The” best couples” have conflict in marriage. Whenever it arises, there is not a neat set of rules that will help cool the conflict when the tensions are high. In fact, it may escalate all the more. This is scary!
In a heated moment, couples have wrestled with some of the worst thoughts:
The “D” word or “Why did I?” questions come up.
“I don’t know what happened to him or her” statements.
During conflictual engagement, arguments ensue. The bubble has burst. Overall, each couple must learn how to move through challenges towards lasting resolutions.
CONFLICT PATTERNS
Constructive engagements are the types of patterns that you need for your relationship to be foster by each of you and to grow. To construct means to build up and to do so in dynamics that are beneficial towards positive regard, mutual respect, emotional vulnerability, and care.
On the other hand, each person in the coupleship may want to avoid the other. Avoidance is another way of stonewalling. When this happens, the couple refuses to engage. At first, avoidance feels safe and secure. However, it leads to less face time and knowability of one another.
In destructive engagements, couples at least face one another and battle it out. Couples from some cultures argue very passionately and at times end in passionate repair. On the other end of the spectrum, individuals in marriage can hurt one another or one partner inflicts harm on the other. So, engaging destructively is an indicator that safety needs to become a priority and seeking help is the next step.
Couples do engage and then move away from each other. Of course, this perpetuates the discord. Whenever an argument becomes heated, the couple may seek to move apart instead of staying to seek repair.
In each conflictual pattern, the individuals are attempting to heal the marriage in the way that they believe is best. Of course, placing another person in emotional or physical danger is inexcusable. Seek help and safety immediately!
Unwinding the cords of conflicts takes time and space. We want to give you that space through working with Central Light Counseling so that your marriage has room to breathe, foster, and grow.
Remargo Yancie, LPC is a licensed therapist, a mental health and relationship counselor. Central Light Counseling is founded to provide quality psychotherapy and care. It’s our privilege to work with leaders, influencers, and couples in their developments and journeys of life.